The Greatest Erection In The Country
by BrownEyedDevil
Summary: Warning: This contains nuts! Series of drabbles written by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo and me, creating the greatest erection between two countries! Don't say you haven't been warned!
1. The Art Of Blowing

**This is what happens if you leave JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo and me up all night, under the influence of various beverages, videos, TV shows ****and with a persistent writer's block. We drabbled like there was no tomorrow, after googling the actual meaning of drabble. And thus created the greatest erection between our countries!**

**And now that we have gotten that off our chests we can go back to plotting the wonderful adventure we will have kidnapping Hugh Jackman, in a very friendly, non-threatening way. So if you have a knack for karaoke, can crack a safe, have experience with restraints (dominatrixes welcome), like drinking and Hugh Jackman contact us! Don't miss out on this and sit at home sulking!**

**The Art of Blowing**** by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo**

"Faster Logan, faster!" Marie demanded, prodding him in the side with a long finger.

"Hold on to your hat, darlin'." He replied, his face awash with a satisfying smirk.

Logan liked to show his girl what he was made of and all those work outs in the Danger Room had hardened those taut muscles of his. You could bounce a dime off of his firm ass cheeks.

Snatching the lilo from his grip, she shot to the door and called over her shoulder. "Thanks for blowing it up for me."

Logan was left alone and very much out of breath.


	2. Sharp Object

**I would like to mention that it was randomly inspired by a scene from the movie Spinning Boris with Liev Schreiber and if anyone would like to kidnap him, please contact me. He is not at all creepy and we can work around his defensive abilities somehow. I know we can. Anyway.**

**Sharp Object by BrownEyedDevil**

There had been a wedding. He was fairly certain. All the scents, perfumes, food, the flowery decorations. With a grunt he sat back in his seat, checking his seatbelt. The woman next to him smiled and got up. His woman. She was heading for the bathroom and a flight attendant approached.

"Can I get you…anything?" suggestive smile on her lips, bending down to show some more cleavage.

"Lemme warn you, I am a newlywed and my wife is quite experienced with sharp objects."

Thinking about how he cut her underwear earlier with his claws he smiled content. His wife. Marie.


	3. Cucumbered

**Because I am still sleep deprived… Masanya, of course the title is from Kate&Leopold. And ****Jinx of the 2nd Law****, be ready for the call. Make sure to bring your own handcuffs, vodka and sushi for the trail. Thanks to dulcesweet, too.**

**Shout out to the people living in Dildo – especially to whoever named that place. Thanks for the five minutes of fun. That's what Rogue said to Bobby too. Ooooh!**

**On with it!**

Cucumbered by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo

"Why'd you throw those in?" Logan growled in a hushed whisper, pointing his finger at the contents of their shopping cart.

"Why do you think, silly?" Marie replied, smiling at his scowling face.

As she skipped over to admire the variety of shampoo and conditioners, he scooped up the extremely unwanted products and tossed them into another couples cart while they weren't looking.

"Logan, what did you do that for?"

Grabbing the lone cucumber from the cart, he waved it in front of Marie's nose and raised an incredulous eyebrow.

"I don't, I repeat don't wear extra small condoms, Marie."


	4. The Wolverine Ate My Homework

**Someone explain why we both have trouble finding ideas (and writing them down!) we write ten drabbles in ten minutes.**

**Okay that was slightly exaggerated.**

The Wolverine ate my homework by BrownEyedDevil

Rogue tried to get into the story, she really did try. She had to finish the book by tomorrow and write an essay exploring the relationship between the main characters. But the very handsome, very undressed man trying to explore the valley between her breasts did not help.

"Logan, I really need to focus!"

"Mmmmhmmmmm…"

His teeth were nipping at the side of her breast while his right hand lazily trailed down her side towards her belly button. She stifled a moan and felt him grin against her skin. She threw her book across the room, determined to seek revenge.


	5. Where's Wolverine?

**By now she has probably written five more. I feel pressured. In the very best way of course.**

Where's Wolverine? by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo

"Marie, this is stupid."

She stopped in her tracks and fixed him with a look of contempt. "What's stupid about this exactly?"

Gesturing at their surroundings, he wrinkled his nose and shuddered. "It smells for one thing."

With an amused snort, she shook her head and crossed her arms. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with the Wolverine?"

He arched an eyebrow and grumbled under his breath.

"I only want to buy a puppy to snuggle up with at night and keep myself warm."

"Hey, I can keep you warm, darlin'."

"Yeah, but a puppy is cute."


	6. The First Date

**I am as boring as an old sock but you go ahead and read this one, the minute of your life will not be refunded. Unless you live in a place with a funny name. Or in Logan. There is one in Utah and in West Virginia. And a Logan Town in Liberia. And a Logan Square in Chicago. I like that city already.**

The First Date by BrownEyedDevil

With a last nervous glance into the mirror Marie left her room, turning off the light with a slightly shaking hand. It wasn't her first date but she was as nervous as if it was. She had had boyfriends before, she had gone on dates with other boys. But all of them had something in common, they were not Logan. And they had always asked her in the same goofy, shy way. Never had they walked into the room with a smirk, telling her to be ready in half an hour because he had made reservations at her favorite restaurant.


	7. Logan Gets Leathered

**I am running out of random topics. A small pack of sushi is nowhere near enough to lay a trail to the nearest karaoke bar. The ****exact distance between the pieces shall be determined soon. You wouldn't want to go trying to lure a man who likes sushi into a bar and find out you only have enough sushi to cover the distance to the next seedy motel. That would be horrible!**

Logan Gets Leathered by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo

"Logan?"

Leaning on the control panel, he observed the students practice their combat skills and glanced at Marie. "What?"

"You know that leather X-men costume you wear?"

"It's a uniform," He protested with a growl. "And I have to wear it."

"Why?" She asked.

"To show those other chumps how a real man wears leather."

Twirling around in her chair, she gazed at Logan thoughtfully. "Can you do me a favour and wear it tonight especially for me?"

Catching a whiff of lust he marched over and threw her upon his shoulder. "Why wait? My uniforms only across the hall."


	8. Logan Likes Sweat

Logan likes sweat

It was a very hot summer day and Logan found himself thanking whatever deity was responsible for the hot humidity New York had been pummeled with for a week. Marie had been assigned to help him fix the jet and she was wearing a tight white tank top and low cut jean shorts. There were grease stains on her clothes and her face but more importantly, there were beads of sweat trailing down her neck and vanishing inside her top. He noticed that she had stopped working and watched him watching her. It was certainly cooler in his room anyway.


	9. Pink Eye

**This is seriously funny. Be warned that there are laugh detectors hidden all across these chapters. A S.W.A.T. team is waiting just outside your door. Mwahahahaha!**

Pink Eye by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo

"Damn it, Marie!" He bellowed, narrowing his eyes at her.

Looking sheepish, she shrugged her shoulders. "I guess I'm not cut out to be a lady of domesticated bliss."

"Havin' witnessed your cookin', I'd agree with you there."

"You didn't even try it." Marie snapped at him.

"I didn't wanna die of food poisonin'." Logan answered his newly washed wife-beater in his hand. "And I ain't wearin' this."

"Why not?"

Glaring at the material in his hands, he gawked at her. "Why in the hell do you think!"

"Look, even heterosexual men can wear pink in this day and age."


	10. Bedroom Talk

**Aaaand the last one for now. Be so kind and leave a review somewhere. Don't make two unhinged girls sad. You never know what we will do!**

**Probably keep writing.**

Bedroom Talk

„Logan?"

„Huh?"

„You asleep?"

„No."

„You know… I was wondering…"

"Spit it out kid."

"You know that calling me kid minutes after we had sex is sort of weird."

"I guess so. Was that what you wanted to tell me?"

"Stop grinning!"

"I'm not grinning."

"You are!"

"Stop trying to change subjects."

"You got me."

"Yes I do. Now come on, we need to get up early tomorrow."

"That sounded like Scott."

"Marie!"

"Alright, alright!"

"So?"

"What?"

"You wanted to ask?"

"Uhm…"

"You know I think you should move in."

"I wanted to deposit a toothbrush."

"Yeah, do that too."


	11. Leather and Horns

**Sorry for the delay, my internet provider is a real bitch. Just for me saying that they will probably cut me off again. Thanks to those who put this on their alerts and to dulcesweet, Comic-cake (of course we are. And y'all love us for it :D) and Jinx of the 2****nd Law-pick whatever you like best, Grey Goose is always welcome!**

**Leather and Horns**** by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo**

"I forgot how nice you were, Logan."

"Define nice, Darlin'."

"You drink tea with me, don't fart in bed and wore a suit when meeting my parents."

"I might start hittin' the bottle, soilin' the sheets and wearing a dress if I have to meet your parents again."

"It wasn't that bad."

"Not that bad? Your mom lectured me on the effects of smokin' and your old man told me I was going to hell."

"He didn't mean it that way; he was just coming out to my Mama."

"There had to be another way to say I'm smokin' hot."


	12. Eye Candy

**By now you might have picked up on the pattern. We're taking turns here. We actually have a goal for this, so keep watch. Reviewing won't hurt either. I'll stop nagging for now. **

**Eye Candy by BrownEyedDevil**

Around two all of the ladies in the mansion suddenly found a reason to be in the vicinity of the kitchen. Because every day at two in the afternoon Logan would stroll in, a filthy oil rag over his shoulder and his wife beater stained with dirt from the engines. After the tedious work in the garage he would go to the fridge, get out an ice cold beer and have all the women sigh at the sheer sight of him.

All but one lucky girl. Marie only rolled her eyes at them to follow him right into the shower.


	13. A Midnight Snack

**The only known blue-eyed koala is Named Logan. He lives in Brisbane, Australia.**

**A Midnight Snack by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo**

"What if someone sees us?" Marie moaned against his bicep.

Logan unsheathed his claws and trailed them down the curve of her breast. "Its midnight, there's no-one about and we're all alone."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Shredding her top off he grinned down at her. "You ever known me to have anythin' but good ideas?"

"What about the time you said we should have sex on the Professor's desk? He hasn't looked us in the eyes since. If anyone sees us again, I'll kill you."

Logan led her further into the pool with a hungry look.


	14. Logan Hates Cheaters

**JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo is about to order a dish called Chicken Tikka Rogan****. Well she only mentioned there was a dish like that but I will make her order it. **

**What's for dinner?**

**Rogan!**

**Logan hates cheaters by BrownEyedDevil**

„Look! A ducky!"

„That's great, come on, let's go!"

"But LOGAN!"

"NO!"

"Just… I want that duck!"

"Marie, people are staring."

"I don't care! They are just not used to a guy like you looking like this."

"I am carrying twelve stuffed animals, Marie. Everyone looks stupid like that."

"That's because you're so good at all these games."

"That's because I know they all cheat."

"They are really scared of you. I like that."

"That guy wants to give you that stupid duck for free. Can we leave now?"

"Just buy some cotton candy. And then we can go home!"


	15. Goodbye

**This random bit is brought to you by Desperados, tequila flavored beer claiming to be Mexican but coming from France. Globalization, people!**

**Goodbye by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo**

Marie gazed down at the grave tears brimming in her eyes. She was really going to miss him and didn't think that she could live without his kisses.

He shouldn't have died, God was supposed to protect all his creations and children. No matter how much he growled, he was a child, he was a lost sheep and deserved all the love that she had given him.

Brushing the tears from her cheeks, she crouched down and arranged the flowers across the newly disturbed earth.

"It's gettin' cold, darlin'."

Marie said one last goodbye to her pet dog and left.


	16. logan Uses the Bad Word

**There are over 1000 nut varieties growing on this planet. One of them is the kind of nut that writes drabbles in the middle of the night while enjoying a good drink, ordering Rogan and plotting kidnappings. Speaking of… Next chapter.**

**Logan uses the bad word**** by BrownEyedDevil**

They had been fighting on and off all afternoon until they forgot why they had started initially. All they knew now was that the other had started and that they were royally pissed. Most inhabitants of the mansion had cleared the vicinity as soon as they had noticed the tension and even the most dense among them had left after ten seconds of staring. That was before the yelling started.

"Logan, it is not like I am asking for much!"

"I don't have to do everything you want just because I love you!"

They were both surprised and instantly silent.


	17. Shut the Puck Up

**The lack of people interested in joining our kidnapping mission saddens me, even though it means there is more room for us. Of the well over a thousand people checking this out (I know most of them were just attracted by the word erection, those PERVERTS) there was only one who had the nuts to speak up?**

**Shut the Puck up by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo**

"Why do you like hockey?"

"Marie, I'm tryin' to watch the game."

"Fine. Why do like to watch hockey?"

"It relaxes me."

"I thought sex relaxed you?"

"Do you have to mention sex right now? My teams got the puck."

"Why do they call it a puck?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"There's no need to get grouchy."

"I'm not gettin' grouchy... Dammit."

"I thought you supported that team."

"I do and you've just made me miss the replay too."

"That's because you keep staring at me."

Logan licked his lips and Marie smiled, she knew this would work.


	18. Wolverine Worldwide

**It is harder to come up with random bits than to write the drabble.**

**Wolverine Worldwide**** by BrownEyedDevil**

„How about Japan?"

„Yep."

„Ugh. Australia?"

„Been there."

„Austria?"

„Met a nice girl there."

„Switzerland?"

„Their chocolate isn't as great as everyone says."

"I'm running out of countries. Vietnam!"

"You do remember my war flashbacks?"

"Mexico."

"Tijuana is a great place. For a guy like me."

"England."

"Not again."

"Germany."

"All batshit crazy."

"Burkina Faso!"

"Smuggled there once."

"Slovenia?"

"Almost skewered Sabertooth. Good times."

"Finland?"

"Good bars."

"Sri Lanka."

"Lots of explosions back then."

"For fuck's sake Logan you've really been everywhere! Maldives?"

"Don't think so."

"Fine. Let's go there on our honeymoon."

"Glad it ain't Greenland. Pack a bikini"


	19. Where the Flowers Grow

**The Amtrak (train) between Chicago, Detroit and Pontiac is called Wolverine. A progressive-metal band has that name just like a US jazz combo called Wolverine Orchestra. It is quite popular with the military, there are tanks, destroyer and a… something. There is a shoe company and a roller coaster as well as a college football team in Michigan and apparently a German football team.**

**Where the Flowers Grow by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo**

"You never buy me flowers." Marie sighed stretching out in their bed.

"You're not wearin' any clothes." Logan replied raising an eyebrow at her face. "What? I thought we were statin' the obvious."

"I just want some romance and no, sex doesn't count."

"Does this count?"

He nipped at her neck and his hand stroked her inner thigh, smirking at her arousal. "How about this?" He whispered huskily in her ear and driving his hand under her hood.

"Mmmm, that feels good." She gasped, rocking against his fingers and gritting her teeth. "But I still want a bunch of flowers."


	20. Wolverine, Frolicking

**Arrrr mateys. Join this crew for the shiniest new booty around! Read these scrawlins and flab yer gums after in a review, ye scallywags! JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo will be eyein' this with pleasure. See what switching your language to Pirate English on Facebook does to us?**

**Wolverine, frolicking by BrownEyedDevil**

There isn't much to see in the Canadian woods. A squirrel climbing a tree, chattering wildly at a passing car, further away from the rarely used highway a moose is breaking into a clearing and in the distance birds are chirping. And there is a half naked man running through the underbrush grinning like a madman. He is following the trail of a woman who is wearing nothing but her underwear, at least judging by the trail of clothes she has left behind. Not that he'd need it, his sense of smell is superior. He finally reaches her, she's waiting.


	21. Once a Pervert, Always a Pervert

**Early mornings, crappy internet connections and the dreadful world cup (me speaking, not my partner in crime) can delay posting but can not stop us!**

**We would like to thank, and hand out shiny brochures with lots of Hugh pictures to help outline our plans, to: jnetrich, Rogan fan, Comic-cake, Chellerbelle, SoRightItsWrong, ady-ell, pinkdrama, CurrentlyIncognito and cooemi10. Phew.**

**Once a Pervert, Always a Pervert by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo**

"What the hell are we watchin'?" Logan asked, furrowing his brow and pulling her to him.

"Do you like it?" She replied, snuggling into his side.

"They're naked; do you really need to ask?"

"You just like the look of Sookie's breasts."

"That ain't a name; it's just a weird sound." He answered, his eyes never leaving the screen.

Marie rolled her eyes and nudged him in the ribs. "It's the name of her character and I like it."

"If we actually have a daughter you're not namin' her that."

She put her hand on her pregnant stomach and smiled.


	22. Precious Memories

**I would like to thank Comic-cake for this. I got inspired to write this while leaving her a rambling review for Another Day, Another Pound Sterling which you should absolutely read. This counts as random.**

**Precious Memories by BrownEyedDevil**

„What are you doing there?"

"Scrapbooking."

"Where did you get all those pictures of us?"

"People take them when you're distracted. Don't growl."

"Why is there glitter all over the place?"

"That's the point of scrapbooking. You decorate the pages."

"Why would you do that?"

"I'm bored."

"I can change that…"

"Logan! I want to look at this when I'm old and ugly."

"You won't be ugly."

"Yeah right."

"Just stop with the glitter. It's everywhere."

"Have you seen my scissors?"

"No I haven't… No! Don't think about it!"

"Please, Logan!"

"My claws aren't scissors Marie"

"Pleeeease!

"Damn it"

*snikt*


	23. Bad to the Boner

**Let's see what we can find with the name of Rogue. Of course we have the famous comic book character our dear Rogue is loosely based on. There's a computer game by that name from 1980 that**** apparently inspired other games that became known as Rogue-likes, the singer of the band The Crüxshadows is Rogue, there's an Australian movie by that name (from 2007 says Wikipedia) and you definitely do not want to deal with Rogue software. And of course there are the Rogue States.**

**Bad to the Boner by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo**

"Do you have to keep biting your lip?"

"I'm just trying to stop myself from giggling."

"I don't understand what's funny, Marie."

"Well, you are."

"This ain't funny."

"Oh, it is."

"Quit tryin' to move."

"I thought I'd never live to hear the sounds of a whinging Wolverine."

"I'm not whinging, I'm trying to save face."

"Maybe I should have brought a cushion with me."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because you didn't ask me, you idiot."

"Hey, this is your damn fault."

"You woke me up in the first place."

"I didn't expect to get called to cover a class!"


	24. Wolverine Battles Pregnancy Hormones

**The World Cup game Germany Serbia ended 0:1. And I am probably one of fifty Germans who is excited to hear they lost. Another four hundred don't give a crap, the rest is crying. And England is playing Argentinia right now, let's hope they win or ****JPGandR will be cranky :P**

**Wolverine Battles Pregnancy Hormones by BrownEyedDevil**

Marie turned from side to side in front of the mirror, focusing on the hem of the dress lazyly following her movements. It ended just above her knees, her legs still looked fine.

"You ready?"

"No. I don't want to go outside."

"You can't hide in here. Your're pregnant, not sick."

"I look fat."

An aggravated growl behind the door to their bedroom. She had locked herself in over an hour ago.

"You're pregnant. You look great. Way better than the other preggos in the mansion."

Aww.

"Really?"

"Really. Now come on, show Scooter how good pregnant can look, alright?"


	25. Logan, the Wino

**The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy is on TV tonight, reminding me that it was Towel Day a while ago and I didn't wish everyone on here a happy TD! So I just rectified that. Go read the book if you feel confused now, the movie just can't do it justice.**

**Logan, the Wino by JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo**

Marie, you seen my beer?" Logan demanded, interrupted her telephone conversation.

She glared at him over her shoulder, her hand muffling the speaker. "Go away! Jubes is having a major crisis."

"Major crisis?" He snorted, speaking loudly so both could hear. "Tell her not to wear the first outfit. It shows too much skin."

"Logan, go away!"

He took the hint and wasn't going to sleep on the couch again. It had all the lumps and bumps, just in the wrong places. "There's gotta be somethin' else to drink in this dump."

Logan glanced at the wine rack and smirked.


	26. Wolverine and the Unicorn

**This is the first one published that hasn't been read by the other. Uh oh!**

**Wolverine and the Unicorn by BrownEyedDevil**

The Wolverine is an untamed animal. And animals don't get all teary eyed. So Logan definitely wasn't teared up. He also didn't buy a little pink unicorn. A fluffy pink little unicorn. And a bottle of Scotch for Hank because he almost gutted him in blind fury. Marie had been in pain and Hank couldn't do much about it, that was almost as bad as causing it. Logan stares down on the little bundle in his arms. His daughter. He's not cooing. He's not smiling at her. Anyone ever seeing this will be gutted. Later. Now Wolverine's got to sing.


End file.
